Fayette County News

Fayette County

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When the stars aligned

Larry Thack wishes to acknowledge and bewail your manifold sins and wickedness
Lee St. John, a member of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, is a #1 Amazon ranked humorous author. Look for her on Facebook, Twitter (@LeeStJohnauthor), and on her blog at www.leestjohnauthor.com. Her new release, “SHE’S A KEEPER! Cockamamie Memoirs from a Hot Southern Mess” can be found on Amazon.com.

What a day! I want YOU to tell me out of ALL these occurrences, which one DID NOT happen, because I guarantee you all the rest did. There is only ONE fictional event. Which one is it?
Order of events:
• Recently, I heard from a friend who now lives in New Hampshire. While visiting her Fayetteville family she wanted to have breakfast together at a certain breakfast restaurant that is not available in her state. While ordering she asked for the $5.00 menu. I had never heard of this. It was never on the table whenever I was ordering there. So my normal $7.00 breakfast now was only $5.00. And it wasn’t even Senior Wednesday!
• Afterwards, I needed to run off a pamphlet of four stories I was giving away in goodie bags to a teacher group in Georgia. Visiting a print shop, I learned the price for the 300 I needed. WOW! Trying another print store for the same order, the difference was $70.00 in my favor. Better! And they even did all the copying for me that I thought I was going to have to do to save money. “Come back in an hour,” they said.
• Not thinking I was going to have time to purchase my much needed make-up on that day because I’d be standing in front of a copier for a long while running off copies myself, I didn’t bring my almost empty make-up bottles to have the sales clerk identify what I usually buy. I felt sure they would have my name and past purchases in their system. Surprisingly, they did not and they were even surprised. The cosmetic rep recognized me (I’m a regular). I didn’t recall what I usually buy. I bring past acquisitions to reorder. She told me that when I arrived home to look at the names of the bottom of products and call the store with that information. She’d gather up all the merchandise and set them aside for me to come by and pick them up. Because of their system’s snafu, they would give me a 10 percent discount.
• I then visited an all-inclusive member-card only warehouse. My card had expired but to tempt me back, I received a gift allowance to use to shop in the store. Of course, I used that money toward the membership and was able to renew without any currency out of my pocket. $ Savings! $
• It was time for my weekly manicure-pedicure visit. A new location had recently become accessible. Curious to see and participate in their services, the nail technician commented because they had recently opened, they were giving me a 20 percent discount. Yea, me!
• Craving ham to make sandwiches over the weekend, I visited a deli and was placing a take-out order for a pound of sliced ham. The manager walked by, saw my order, had over-ordered on their quarter hams, and offered me five times more than my first placement for half the price it would normally cost for that amount. What was going on?
• Getting hungry, I had wanted some drive-thru fish fillets. Normally I just get the fillets without all the extras, take them home, and have them with some leftover vegetable. I ordered two. When I drove around to the pick-up window and while waiting a bit for the fish to be handed over to me, the manager said they goofed on one of the fillets and were giving me a third free!
I mean, should I have played the lottery that day?
Scared to death a shoe was going to drop, I picked up the waiting print order, carefully drove home, put on my pajamas, and stayed in for the rest of the evening.