This Little Piggy

Lee St. John, a member of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, is a No.1 Amazon ranked humorous author. Look for her on Facebook, Twitter (@LeeStJohnauthor), and her blog at www.leestjohnauthor.com. Her new release, “SHE’S A KEEPER! Cockamamie Memoirs from a Hot Southern Mess” can be found on Amazon.com.

With summer’s end, I probably need to get a new toenail polish color. When I find something I like, I tend to stick with it. This summer I was loving on this raspberry color that I’d been wearing. I don’t have to keep up with the name at all. I just leave it up to the professional giving me the pedicure. I walk in to the salon and they ask me to pick a color. I have an appointment with the same gal every time, she knows my likes, so I just point out what’s on my toes from the previous visit and she either has it in her little suitcase or she knows where on the wall to retrieve it with all the other paint colors.

I do the same with my makeup. It’s all Lancome. I don’t keep up with the names on the makeup that I purchase for eyes, or base for my face, or blush for my cheeks, etc. I just bring in the almost empty bottle or mascara wand, hand them to the counter’s clerk, tell her I want more of the same, and VOILA!

That may sound crazy not to know the names or colors of the makeup I purchase but that kind of fluff information clogs my brain. I need to not have it any more congested than it already is. Why try to remember something when I know I won’t eventually be able to anyway. I can’t remember stuff I am supposed to be able to now. That’s depressing enough.

But while reading a female oriented fashion magazine, I found an interesting article about the new and hip fingernail polishes. I only use clear on my fingernails. I leave the color to the toes so they can peep out color from various sandals I wear in the summer and really even early Fall because as we all know, it’s still damn-hot in Atlanta. You know what we’re called: Hotlanta. And it’s just like that in the summer. I can remember some Christmases in the high 70s. So I’ll still be wearing certain types of open toed shoes.

But now that it is turning to Autumn, shouldn’t I exchange my Raspberry-something-or-other to a more acceptable Fall hue? Sure Cinnamon and Spice come to mind in the Fall when you think of homemade apple pies, Pilgrims, and the changing leaf colors on the trees. So I couldn’t resist. Here are a few I am considering:

Putrefied Plum, Tainted Tan, Burnt Buffalo Brown, Contaminated Copper, Gross Gold, Foul Fowl, Rank Red, Whiffy Weinaramer Grey, Malodorous Maroon, Decomposed Chestnuts, Stale Squishy Squash, Nidorous Nuts, Dam! Beavers, Tainted Tumbleweed, Moldy Mauve, Nauseating Navy, Obnoxious Orchid, Disgusting Denim Blue, Olid Olive, Revolting Red, Funky Forest Green, Mephitic Mountain Meadow, Fetid Fern, Smelly Sneakers, Rancid Robins Egg Blue, Blah Blush, Disgusting Dried Dandelions, Pungent Pumpkins, and Gamy Granny Smith Apples.

Pick your favorite and ask your nail technician to hold it for you so you, too, can be hip this Fall with the newest nail color.

Comments

comments