Fayette County News

Fayette County


Thack You: Wrong Side of History

Larry Thack wishes to acknowledge and bewail your manifold sins and wickedness
Larry Thack is training hard to burn holes in his walls with his eyes

We’re a few weeks into April now, and I just realized I forgot all about Easter. When has it ever fallen on the first day of the month anyway? I was so busy defending myself against the monkeyshines of April Fool’s Day that I forgot to hide eggs and other such deeds.
Maybe I should give up religion entirely. I’m due to be dead soon and given that I’ve spent a lifetime being on the “wrong side of history” as my grandchildren have pointed out, I need to play it safe as the sun sets on Thack. It occurs to me a lot that maybe I chose the wrong religion. What if God sent all his kids to earth and Jesus was the “Fredo” of the bunch? After all, “the only begotten son” sounds like He’s hiding something there.
It’s all just so nerve-wracking. Can I afford another mistake given my past? I enjoyed my days as a coal mine executive and later as an assistant on the Penn State Football team but people seem to have a problem with all that. I don’t think anyone in my bloodline has ever been welcome at a high school reunion for one reason or another. Best just to play it safe and do nothing at this point.
Bad luck seems to have befallen my ancestors as well. The earliest known member of my family, Thackus, was the chief supplier of lumber and nails to the town of Jerusalem around the year zero. He was just making a living at the time – bad luck. Exiled to the mountains, the Thack family learned the Sherpa trade and made numerous contributions in the aid of travelers and adventurers for generations. When Ronny Thack answered an ad for “trail coordinator” in 1830 it seemed like a good time to immigrate to the United States, so he moved the family to Georgia. Not such a great job after all. Ronny was constantly on the road to Oklahoma and none of his customers were really into the hiking part. Ronny was digging graves daily for his travelers and one day he mistakenly read a newspaper. Wrong side of history yet again for the Thacks.
I shall be “professionally active” as they say, with regard to falling no more for these traps of life! For instance, I envision myself slugging a disabled man in the narthex of the church who states, “haven’t seen you in a while.” I will avoid this situation.