Fayette County News

Fayette County

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Thack You: Valentime’s Day

Larry Thack wishes to acknowledge and bewail your manifold sins and wickedness

There are still 93 trees visible from my seat at the window. This number fluctuates, but the one time I really focused it was 93, so that’s a number I trust. I also trust our legal system, but only because I have no involvement with it. I’ve added moss to the list of things I can’t grow. I’ve abandoned a few things as well: religion, of course. Discipline no longer seems like a thing – maybe it’s just winter. Taco Tuesday is a ghost as well. It still happens a couple times a month, but it’s just one dish and nobody shows up. The Tervis tumbler collection has taken over the entire cupboard, but I only ever use a couple of them. Twice I’ve been the “suspicious person” on a NextDoor post. Living without a microwave is one of the wisest things a person can do. Stopping at yellow lights is no longer a weakness of mine, in fact I’ve really been working on this a lot – I’m practically colorblind when it comes to making good time. My banker just asked me for a tip – is that normal? I’m making book recommendations to myself. I sent out a few Christmas gifts but they were not reciprocated. My teams are somehow over and underrated. For some reason I now owe thousands of dollars every year in taxes since I delegated that to the accountant – what’s that all about? I’m the only person in the state without one of those puffy winter jackets. The internet never works. I’m not much of a birder, but whatever the worst birds are, those seem to like my feeders. I have seen none of the movies nominated for Oscars, and there will not be a party. I will try to make friends with a tennis ball machine this weekend, but it’ll rain. My car was stolen by a millionaire.
It’s been 379 months (in Thack years) since I’ve had an actual conversation with another human. Always thinking of you – it’s kind’ve annoying.