Larry Thack is never going to answer the door – he knows it’s you, Constable.

The baker at my local grocer has turned into a real jerk. She will seal her loaves by coiling her twist ties in two or three different directions rather than the more appropriate single direction. I start to unwind it in one direction, then hit a snag. Sometimes I’ll just start over thinking I was going in the wrong direction altogether, but this is often not the case. When she changes direction it creates a tiny lock and pretty much has to be destroyed by scissors or teeth. This is especially frustrating as I was hoping to add this to my twist tie collection. Having angrily torn open the bag, I’m now left with no twist tie and no bag in which to save the leftover loaf. I’m now forced to use a sheet of tin foil. I hope you can live with yourself baker. Your double-reverse twist ties are now filling our oceans and landfills rather than our cupboards and junk drawers.
Possibly I just lack the training it takes to unfurl this tying method. I remember in grade school when I toiled to open a bag of chips with no success. I was assisted by a latchkey scumbag who deftly opened the chips for me with alacrity and pride. I appreciate that lesson to this day.