Fayette County News

Fayette County


Thack You: The Flu Shot

Larry Thack wishes to acknowledge and bewail your manifold sins and wickedness
Larry Thack will spend the morning peeling his wet, corroded copy of “The Citizen” off of his driveway

With three weeks to go in the flu season, I have decided to do the responsible thing and get a flu shot.
Mind you it wasn’t always the “responsible” thing to do. For years vaccines were considered dangerous and we smart ones would fight our way through epidemics with handkerchiefs taped to our faces. We were correct, of course, but the shots are better than they once were. Time was, the shot they gave you was essentially “the Flu.” You would get so sick from the shot that you’d never want the flu again and that would keep you flu-free for about a year. It worked well, but it was kinda like making a kid smoke a whole pack of cigarettes so he doesn’t start smoking. Also, prior to Dred Scott these vaccines were illegal and administered in back alleys with coat hanger needles that weren’t sterilized. In some cases people were contracting acute colds from the conditions.
I was certainly against the flu shot for years, but there were other reasons too. As someone who constantly struggles with his weight, the flu seems like nature’s way of helping people get back to their target weight, post-holiday. Conversely, the flu shot drags you down too much to exercise and you don’t get sick enough to lose weight – no thanks, I’ll take the Flu please. And really, how else can one take a dignified week long vacation? Besides, mother always said my best quality was my infectiousness.
Given all that support, why now? Well, many of the members of my Bridge club are dropping dead and I really need to stick around ‘til I figure out how to domesticate a squirrel.