Larry Thack’s age index feels like 105 today

As I look back over the last few months, it occurs to me that Summer is a glorious time. Traffic is lighter, tomatoes are riper, teens are nocturnal and less likely to mix with society, and we get a break from school shootings.
Yes, it seems I have identified the root cause of the school shooting problem. For years I have called for the imprisonment of peculiar teens, but now there seems to be a series of new solutions.
Most school shootings occur when schools are open, so reducing the length of the school year is a no-brainer. One more month of Summer will reduce the chances of a shooting by 11 percent.
Normally I fully agree with Trump, but his theories on school shootings are way off. He blames the violence of video games for the epidemic, but he’s not seeing this fact I have uncovered: all Summer these dangerous school kids do nothing BUT play video games while there are concurrently no school shootings! If anything their demeanors seem to be listless and exhausted versus violent and vengeful.
I think we can all agree that the mass shootings should be moved out of the classrooms and into the streets as they were this summer. As such our nation can follow the paradigm of the lawless Middle-Eastern countries that these shooters inexplicably have such a problem with.