Thack You: Special Report – Town In Need

I’ve spent the last week traveling all over town, shaking hands, and listening real good to our citizens who can vote. I didn’t learn much, but I do see that we lack a great deal of infrastructure and more precisely – things.
On Tuesday I hosted a town hall meeting and it became very clear that we have no town hall. We do have 14 nail spas, so my complaint might be inappropriate.
Clearly any town in the deep South should have a public swimming pool. It’s brutally hot here most of the year, and our youth need a place to urinate in comfort. The heat was so bad this summer that kids were forced to wait until the cooling temps of late-night to vandalize and break into cars – unacceptable. We can do better for them.
What happened to that farmer’s market that used to show up in that parking lot for a few months? We need those hippies back! Driving to Forest Park for Goat cheese and marijuana is not what the founding fathers had in mind. I shall pressure the mayor of Tyrone to investigate the mayor of Peachtree City and somehow parlay this into getting the farmers to choose Fayetteville over PTC.
Folks, our schools are overflowing with children from neighboring counties. In order to accommodate these “illegals” in our school system we have no choice but to institute a “one child per family” law. It works for China and it’ll help us better educate the children from Hapeville. For now any children over the limit will be accepted. Starting in 2021 the city government will supply free woven baskets for the dispatching of newborns at the kayak put-in at “The Ridge Nature Center.” This will be a free service.
Anyone telling me to have a “blessed day” better be wearing a collar. I haven’t drafted a bill yet, but this blessed-day stuff needs to end – in violence if necessary. I cannot hold public office and be tempted by the public with their threats. I must defend myself.

Larry Thack’s not so sure about this Millenial who owns the paper now

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