Fayette County News

Fayette County


Thack You: Not a Parade Town

Larry Thack wishes to acknowledge and bewail your manifold sins and wickedness
Larry Thack dropped his harmonica in the toilet again

Sure, our children’s choirs and pageants are an embarrassment to the arts. Yes, our Constable shakes down local merchants. Of course our schools segregate the districts. There’s no question that movie studio is hiding something behind the graveyard. Clearly our town is just like any other town in America, but no matter how normal it seems, Fayetteburg, with all its charms and churches, is by no means worthy of hosting a Christmas parade.
The closest thing this county has ever had to a parade is the Gaddy’s yard lit up as we drove through in an orderly fashion. There was no mingling, no noise, and a most orderly traffic situation without government involvement.
Last Saturday was the last straw. In a rush to see my granddaughter’s football game, I was instead stuck in a traffic jam of bewildered Christians who couldn’t figure out which side of the crusades they were now on. What is this charade? I was mired in a line of depressingly slow-moving traffic for seventy–five minutes. Not with happy people, but overworked blue collar types, slugabeds, and those with real families being stalled by the phony parade. A Christmas parade that blocks a heavily travelled road connecting multiple counties is nothing short of a hate crime. These acts of religious violence have no place here. First of all, we’re not that kind of town. Maybe we were once, but I don’t remember doing it then either. Fayetteville has never tried to pretend to be that charming little town with fathers hoisting toddlers onto shoulders amidst smiling, high-heeled chardonnay drinkers – that’s Peachtree City!
Get with it, town! We have no public pool, no theatrical playhouse, not a single bookstore, no natural foods co-op. What are we doing here? There is virtually nothing that makes this town anything other than a gas-stop for travelers than the fact that we offer less dangerous shopping destinations than the other county.
If Fayetteville wants to have a parade, maybe it should pick an intersection that doesn’t get 40,000 cars a day.