Fayette County


Thack You: Mother’s Day Disaster

Larry Thack wishes to acknowledge and bewail your manifold sins and wickedness
Larry Thack was refused service by his barber when he requested the “Ossoff.”

Mother Thack turned 92 on Mother’s Day this past week. Although quite vibrant and young at heart, Mother Thack is not as young as her age suggests. She does not actually share a birthday with Mother’s Day, rather it is suchly that her rural, suburban birth was not recorded due to the pre-enlightenment era so we just began counting once her usefulness could be measured.
I decided to take her to the islands for a nice getaway, and that’s where the problems began. Of the more than 200 rooms in the hotel, only four lacked balconies, and we lucked into one of those. Mother Thack smokes the hookah, and things didn’t go well the first night. The sprinklers went off, I was charged a room-cleaning fee, and worse – my paperback copy of “The Shack” was somehow completely dry and still readable.
The morning started out nicely as we took our Penny-Farthings for a ride but soon enough Mother Thack’s pet peeves got her down. After being called “Sir” by the hotel staff for the third time that morning she was knocked from her bike by a Gull, harassed by a crab, and struck by an errant cornhole bag. We tried to relax at the lounge but things only took a worse turn as Mother Thack was served a Sex on the Beach without a mini umbrella, and the waitress nervously repeated that she was “very sorry sir.”