Fayette County News

Fayette County


Thack You: Mop on a power line

Larry Thack wishes to acknowledge and bewail your manifold sins and wickedness
Larry Thack will be working the door at the Juicy J show tonight at the Tabernacle

For over a week now there has been a mop hanging from a power line in my neighborhood and as such I have taken it upon myself to form a neighborhood association.
If I’m to succeed, I need to build a coalition of like-minded residents and that’s why I’m starting with a guy a few houses down who also has no grass. Strolling to his house I notice many of the things I would like to put a stop to. Many houses have badly damaged venetian blinds, mailboxes surrounded by dead plants, birdbaths, an abundance of stumps, a man living in a tent, and a Coke machine in a driveway. I hope to ban all of these eyesores but to start I’ll settle for people not parking in their yards. Noting all of this on my clipboard, I pass under the hanging mop and reach my grassless neighbor. Although only two adults live in this house there are five cars in the driveway, but none in the garage, which I have seen open only once. The garage is packed full of boxes precluding a skateboard, much less a car, from parking inside. A lot of my neighbors seem to have these tacky car collections which I hope to compel concealment of as well. Greeted only by cats and not getting an answer I move on. I guess he has a sixth car.
I’ll try across the street. This guy keeps up his house nicely and even uses a lawn service but in all my years I’ve never seen him outside. He seems like my kind of guy but a couple years ago my grandchildren kept track of a pizza box that sat in his yard over the course of several visits to see me. No answer here either. Next to him lives a hoarder and winner of the 2002 Stinky Shoe Contest as reported in the Fayette Citizen. I’m not likely to find a partner there so I’ll skip him and sneak behind the nicely manicured recluse’s home to a promising stretch in the neighborhood.
Generally the site of violence, this sharp turn in the street features the work of the area’s premier artists in the form of handmade signs: No Trespassing, Slow Down, Beware of Dog, all the classics are on display here. These people should be eager to join an association as they already seem to have an interest in rules-telling. My clipboard is starting to weigh me down as I approach this final house of the day. Wading through the rotting newspapers and garden hose(s) I hear screaming inside and it occurs to me that eventually someone will answer the door. I’ll just mail them a letter.
My grandchildren say we live across from a Trap house. I’m not sure if I know the Traps but I once fixed a garden gate for the Von Trapps in Fairburn. Maybe they’re related.