Thack You: Dream Car
Larry Thack wishes to acknowledge and bewail your manifold sins and wickedness

Thack You: Dream Car

Larry Thack’s mother fractured a vertebra picking up a cast iron pot of soup. No soup was spilled.

I have very few desires in life: a fresh supply of wound dressings, thrift store Tupperware, mild headaches…..but the one thing I have yearned for since its introduction in 2000 is a Chrysler PT Cruiser.
It is a gorgeous machine that reminds me of the fancies of my youth. I have found a 2002 for sale – only $2700. Such a bargain for a dream car. It only has 48,000 miles – the original owner said he only drove it at night for some reason and kept it garaged during the day. As a result the paint is in crackerjack condition – a deep plum pearl that will look classy next to my mailbox.
My dream car is in Plano Texas and I shall travel there and drive it back. I have purchased some horse blinders and Beats by Dr Dre to minimize my interactions at the airport and stay focused.
Arriving at the unpleasant airport, I learn that the South terminal is not for going to destinations solely in the South. I was forced to speak with an attendant who immediately helped me into a wheelchair and sped me to my gate. I now have a second dream car in this wheeled-chair and measured it for entry into the PT Cruiser’s fifth door.
I met Carl, the PT’s owner, in an abandoned Woolworth’s parking lot. I marveled at the car’s beauty and perfect condition. Carl once again assured me that he rarely drove it around other cars or in public. I’m thinking it was a show car to him. It runs like eggs in coffee even though it only has three cylinders. One is being occupied by a family of spiders, but no need as it still has 90 horses behind the bug deflector. I have test driven several of these over the years and they curiously all have seatbelts in like-new condition – as if they’ve never been used. Just another feather in my cap!
Texas is very windy and it was quite difficult to count the 27 bills to Carl. As we chased the flying hundreds around the lot I suggested doing this in the car, but Carl said he could not go back in, that he would never go back in. I guess he really loved that car.