There’s nothing more difficult than putting yourself “in the arena” as the good Roosevelt said and fighting it out with other real people. Well possibly, losing might be more difficult. It takes a person of great character and low winability to face defeat. That’s why I have gone to the trouble of drafting a concession speech for the outgoing mayor, whoever that is – I’m really not sure if I’m running against Johnson or Hoffman. Sadly, I will be unable to attend my coronation as that’s the day I volunteer at the leprosy mill. The following speech must be read by either man in the demeanor of Uncle Billy from “It’s a Wonderful Life”:
Townsfolk! It is with great honor that I speak to you as the conquered failure. I am but a small man and possess none of the intellect or beauty of Mr. Thack. As I step aside, I can only hope that Mayor Thack serves his people until death, which is a referendum that was also passed last night. I will be working as closely as Mr. Thack will allow for a smooth transition over the coming weeks. Nothing will affect you more than what prophesies germinate in the nightmares of Mr. Thack. May the Lord bless him as he creates our dystopian utopia. Please note highways 92, 54, and 85 will be closed from noon to three on Friday for a parade. All County businesses will be closed to attend the involuntary celebration. For those of you who did not help elect Mr. Thack – expect a visit from the County Road Department for a pothole installation on your street immediately.

Larry Thack’s New Liver Welcomed by Spleen, Colon