Fayette County News

Fayette County


Thack You: Biggest narcs of 2017

Larry Thack wishes to acknowledge and bewail your manifold sins and wickedness
Larry Thack sees the repeal of the stormwater utility as one less letter he’ll get in the mail

Fayette County had a groundbreaking 2017. Pedestrians have been installed all over the downtown area, Chickfila started selling sacks of ice, and plans for a new apartment complex to be built on top of the graveyard were unveiled. It wasn’t all that great however. Some people really got under my skin.
When the County Republican Party published a letter suggesting the media is engaged in mind-control and they dress in purple as part of their subliminal messaging, I was sent into an emotional spiral. My entire Fall and Winter wardrobe was to be purple-themed. Now I shall have to burn the lot of it. I want nothing to suggest I am using mind control since I’m almost always using mind control.
That guy from Fayette County who went to North Korea kinda hacks me off. As the official ambassador of the county I was quite slighted by his picture on the front pages of our newspapers. Notably, he traveled to and returned from North Korea “without incident.” That’s most certainly not how you do it sir.
The guy who pulled over and imprisoned our greatest local hero, Rick Ross, is on my list too. We are a fortunate people to have such a cultural genius living in our midst. Dr. Sams has clearly passed the torch to a new poet laureate for the county and he is that who we refer to as “Da Boss.” Quoting his work, “Keep getting’ paid Boss, Do watcha like Ross, la la, la la, la la, la la.” That’s nice. I’ll be ridin’ rims downtown blastin’ that shiz later this morning. So next time, just let our celebrities off with a warning, please. (Note: I am referring only to the traffic stop and not the kidnapping and beating incident).
Surely you’re all familiar with the local awareness effort called “Coffee with a Cop.” I really got into it with this one cop who clearly has no idea how much a “cord” of wood is. The others just want to talk about golf or share harrowing stories of riot control at the donut place that causes traffic jams. I understand this wildly unpopular program is to be replaced by “Coffee with the Morehouse Athletic Director.” I’m all in on that one!