Larry Thack just secured tickets for Blink 182 at The Fred

Proudly I read that Peachtree City was ranked the #1 place to visit by Expedia, so I decided to go for a visit.

#1 Peachtree City abounds with paths that wind through the forests and around the lakes. I shall take a change of socks as I’m sure to do a lot of hiking. As I walked along the beautiful pine-lined paths along the lake I was frequently shoved to the muddy shoulder by golf carts. As a defensive gesture I would meekly wave hello as I was being remorselessly run down, but my kindness was returned much less than half the time. I guess I felt very unwelcome on my walk around the lake.

I like to play a little golf on vacation, and I hear this city is built around golf. There are four courses in town and one of them has 27 holes – how exciting! I’ll have to visit again and again to play them all. Hmmm…… all four courses are private, so I’m out of luck there. That was embarrassing. I haven’t been shooed away from the links since I played with my father-in-law who wore dungarees. There’s a public course in the next town over. Guess I’ll “visit” unranked Newnan for some recreation.

The epicenter of every great city is downtown. #1 Peachtree City has four major strip malls that might qualify. The heaviest traffic is at the bustling intersection of highways 74 and 85, so that must be downtown. Here you can immerse yourself in all the culture #1 Peachtree City has to offer – so I had lunch at Chili’s.

I went to the library to do a little research on this aberration of a town. The bookmarms seem to have northern accents and everyone shuffles out of the library with carpetbags full of hardback romance novels. Many communities start as a trading community, traveler’s rest between larger cities, or at a water source. What I discovered is that #1 Peachtree City was started along some very modern lines indeed – it’s a planned community for families employed by the airline industry. This Orwellian franchise has done well to build churches and schools while resisting the diversity and hospitality found in the rest of the South.

My conclusion is thus: In this new world we’ve created, where the top retailers may be shopped while you sit at home, your meals and groceries are increasingly delivered to your stoop, and fresh air and sunshine have been replaced by darkening-drapes, then yes, Peachtree City is #1 at making you want to stay home.