Thack You: Not a good 4th of July this Year

Larry Thack just learned that dogs who trail behind their owners when out for a walk are abused

I am traveling to visit my sister this week in the breadbasket of our country, West Virginia, to visit some graves, watch the fireworks, have a photo shoot at a graveyard, and dedicate a new tomb-wing at our family graveyard. Celebrating the 4th of July holiday in Colonial West Virginia gives me a historical feeling and I shall dress appropriately. I must find my old tricorn hat and dust off the wool suit I keep under our porch light as a moth feeder.
Sadly it seems I have forgotten my pills and I must take a stroll to the village druggist for replacements, but first need to compile a list of my needs- I like to go to the druggist prepared. Not only with a list of my needs but also a description of the maladies for which I require the medicine and an anecdote to go along. Years ago I noticed a line forming behind me as I told my funny stories to the pharmacist and I try to keep adding to it to keep everyone entertained.
Let’s see, I take Losartan for high blood pressure but it works too well so I have to take Orvaten for low blood pressure to retain a pulse. I need Vitamin D supplements because I’m scared of the sun and Dr. Hammond’s Nerve Balm ‘cause I’m scared of my grandsons. I keep a bottle of Paregoric on me to ease my death anxiety and I take several varieties of Juice Plus pills because of testimonials by trusted heroes like OJ Simpson. Let’s not forget the lithium I need for mania, and a box of Chardonnay for hypomania. I should probably get some q-tips to treat my tooth decay.
I might also try to find a quaker gun while in town. I need to defend my fireworks-watching spot. One year the miner’s boys came down out of the hills and took my blanket. I laid in wet grass that night watching the show through tears.

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