Author’s note: This conversation never happened. However, McConnell may well have this nightmare one evening in the future. I certainly hope he will, very soon.
Mitch: Who are you?
Ike: I’m the ghost of Patriots past. I represent the good bi-partisan form of government that the good people of the USA want and need.
Mitch: Why are you visiting me?
Ike: Because you represent everything that I am not: Unpatriotic, placing my party before my nation, egotistical, unwilling to compromise, and divisive.
Mitch: I’m just standing up for American values.
Ike: Since when did American values include setting up horrible detention camps on our borders? And, mistreating women and children in them?
Mitch: We cannot afford to let these people into America.
Ike: America was built on immigration. Immigrants have a lower crime rate than native born Americans, and they work harder. That’s why they are hired by American employers. Besides, your current President has had two wives who are immigrants. How did they get into the USA? And how did Melania’s parents?
Mitch: They got in legally.
Ike: They got in because someone with money and connections, namely Donald, got them in by pulling strings. Melania got in under the “Einstein” clause for exceptional people. I personally knew Einstein very well. Believe me, she is no Einstein.
Mitch: Well, he’s strengthening our military. Certainly, you agree with that aspect of his Presidency.
Ike: Mitch, you really need to learn your history. In my outgoing address to the American people, I spoke about the evils of the military-industrial complex, and exactly what I warned about has come to pass, wasting public tax funds money to help defense contractors.
Mitch: We are just increasing military expenditures to make us safe.
Ike: Then, why don’t you at least listen to your military leaders? When they say no more tanks are needed, why do we produce more?
Mitch: Those tanks are being built here in the USA, creating jobs. And, helping to get my Republicans elected.
Ike: You say that you don’t like welfare for the poor and down trodden, but expanding corporate welfare is okay by you. That just makes no sense to me or the American public. American infrastructure was the envy of the world when I was in office, but now it is falling apart. The public knows that all too well. We could create jobs by spending that money here at home by building and repairing bridges, tunnels, and roads. All it takes is vision and a willingness to work with the other party, which you don’t have.
Mitch: I have to protect my party and my Senate prerogatives.
Ike: You are not doing either one. Your current party will go down in the history books as an aberration, putting itself before America, and so will you for the same reason. There was absolutely no reason not to at least bring Obama’s Supreme Court nomination of Merrick Garland, a moderate with a fine record, to the Senate for a vote.
Mitch: I changed the rules to help the nation, it just happens to benefit my party.
Ike: Wrong. You’ve hypocritically said you will make sure Trump’s nominees are voted on in the last year of his term. Having two sets of rules, one for your party and another for everyone else, is destructive for our nation and breeds division. And your refusal to even consider having a vote on four separate bipartisan bills to ensure election security is criminal. Didn’t you hear Mueller and our own intelligence people saying that the Russians hacked us in the 2016 election and are doing it right now in preparation for 2020? What happens if Iran and China pull the election strings this time to get rid of the Russian puppet in the White House? Will you still think you did the right thing blocking efforts to ensure election security?
Mitch: Listen, I just can’t do what you want. I have to follow my President.
Ike: Speaking of that, why haven’t you supported Mueller’s investigation and impeachment? It’s obvious that there was clear intent on the part of the Trump campaign to use foreign influence in the election and that Trump personally obstructed justice at least 10 times.
Mitch: Of course, he did, but if I don’t go along with Trump, he will oppose me in the Kentucky GOP primary.
Ike: Being scared is no excuse for not doing your job, Mitch, or for betraying the American people. I pray you will wake up now and do better.