Lee St. John, a member of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, is a #1 Amazon ranked humorous author. Look for her on Facebook, Twitter (@LeeStJohnauthor), and on her blog at www.leestjohnauthor.com. Her new release, “SHE’S A KEEPER! Cockamamie Memoirs from a Hot Southern Mess” can be found on Amazon.com.

I am a retired teacher, but from 1988 – 1993, I took a break, studied for my real estate license, and became an agent in Georgia. I was hired by John Wieland Homes to open Brentwood, their newest subdivision at the time.

I learned a few things selling real estate for John Wieland. Never heard of him? He was 1994 Professional Builder magazine’s Builder of the Year, 2005 Builder magazine’s America’s Best Builder, and 2007-2009 J.D. Power and Associates award for Highest Ranked Quality Among New Home Builders in Atlanta.
He was a one-stop-shop real estate company. They offered financing through their own in-house-lender. They had their own building and supply to help cut costs for your next home. They offered add-ons to their house plans and made it simple just like buying a car – here’s your standard model and if you want more we can do that, all it takes is money. They offered interior and exterior design services. Did I leave out something? Forgive me; it’s been 25 years.
And his neighborhoods are pretty, too. Their amenities fulfill every homeowner’s dream: some are on golf courses, many surround lakes, there are Olympic-size pools and kiddie pools, there are water slides, clubhouses, kiddie parks and recreation, nature trails, and more! You get the picture? It’s all about lifestyle.

I now live in a neighborhood that resembles this scenario. And I’ve learned a thing or two about image from him. We are downsizing. I think our Zillow, Trulia, and Realtor ads, to name a few, need to know this.

Our listing should read: This neighborhood boasts of an expansive gated play park for neighborhood children. State-of-the-art swings, slides, sand box, and play area will make the children squeal with delight. Another added attraction is the possibly rabid red-tail female fox who made her home here, too, and keeps watch over her pups. Such a delight to see!

This gorgeous neighborhood also brags about concrete sidewalks meandering through the canopied woods where one can walk their dogs for enjoyable strolls. While doing so, the neighborhood has added extra excitement with their very own possession, a wild bobcat and the beautiful sounds they screech at sunset! Dogs will squeal with delight over encountering this community pet!

If you choose to step off the sidewalks into the deep woods, you are most welcome. The paths have (at one time) been cleared by volunteer homeowners to make them more desirable to you, and recently, that black bear that was seen walking through them and onto the paved sidewalks in broad daylight. What an experience! You will be squealing with delight over having seen a bear up close without having to pay the zoo prices, which is another treat offered by this neighborhood.

Looking for more excitement? There is rumored that a cougar has been lurking in the water drain system throughout the neighborhood. Should you find out, please me know so I may add to my House For Sale description.

The newest addition to the neighborhood menagerie of wildlife is the alligator found in a pond. No, my eyes did not deceive me and yours won’t either. Those wood ducks and white ducks beside the pond didn’t have a chance. You and your dog will both squeal with delight as you see the gator’s (gators?) head part the waters and eye you for lunch.

Your children will learn economic lessons living here, too, by having mace stands instead of lemonade stands. Future entrepreneurs!

This neighborhood has more wildlife than the regular birds, chipmunks, and squirrels you’ll see elsewhere. That’s boring. Come view my house in this astonishing neighborhood! Your children are going to love it here until your cat goes missing.