Thack You: Still Looking for an Apartment

Larry Thack likes a good race riot, but appreciates the variety of mass murders

“Nextdoor” is this great internet club that allows irritating neighbors to complain about each other publicly online. Each day there’s a new post about something like a dog mauling or a suspicious pedestrian. I mostly appreciate that my neighborhood’s key jerks stay in their homes now with their arms folded and lips pursed rather than standing on my porch. Sometimes there’s value in this web service, like when someone asks whom they might call to remove a snarling opossum from a nursery but often it’s someone with way too many syllables in her name whining about someone driving down the street too fast. Alas, I continue my search for an apartment and a simpler way of life.
I believe I’m most interested in the Meridian apartments that loom over Highway 54 in Fayetteville. I watched the construction of these and was impressed by the all-wood frame necessary to properly catch fire and put Fayetteville on the evening news someday. I watch with embarrassment night after night when the Action news team visits Cobb, Decatur, Fulton, Gwinnett – you name it! Never does Fayette County make the news with a blazing apartment fire. We are but backwoods yokels who barely have the wherewithal to trap our convenience store owners behind bulletproof glass.
Not only is it inherently doomed, but the apartment complex is filled with things to do. Other than a pool, there’s billiards, a fire pit, and numerous outdoor TVs. I can see myself now peering out the window and determining these things are too crowded with young people and decide to stay inside. There are several niceties in the neighborhood as well. I can just walk across the street to the Farmer’s Market and delight in the fresh hot dogs and boiled peanuts. There’s that convenience store with the one locked door I always pull on even though I know better. The proprietor tells me it’s to slow down kids stealing candy. There’s an auto parts store right there too. I will watch the customers come and go, mystified at what they could’ve possibly bought.
I shall go on tours next week. I cannot see any possible downsides to apartment living!

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