Thack You: Christian Mengele

Larry Thack’s just gonna do two things today, plant some grass and drink some beer… and he’s almost out of beer.

It’s no fun going to oyster bars, bike rallies, and craft fairs alone, so I’ve posted this little bio of myself on ChristianMingle.com.
At 4’11” my withered and aging frame is well-tanned from a lifetime of hanging out in my yard smoking cigarettes and planning my next argument. I have more sleeveless shirts than years I’ve filed taxes. I eat and breathe with my mouth open. I wear reflective sunglasses. I am clearing my throat. I have a blue mustache with yellow highlights. I enjoy adultery and billiards. I once took a four year old for a ride on my motorcycle without a helmet – well, I had a helmet on. I makes excuses on the first tee. I was kicked out of Peachtree City for my yard chickens. I ride a purple Yamaha motorcycle when I’m not driving a minivan I stole from a former lover. I scream, “Can I get some service here?” at Hooters. I am clearing my throat. I have a counterfeit handicap placard holder and wouldn’t park anywhere else. I lick plates clean. I once threatened to kill a boy’s grandfather for the style of haircut he got. I keep a bandana in my back pocket. I can be seen on a street corner eating an apple with a pocketknife. I coached youth soccer ‘til they made me fill out a bunch of forms. I keep one of those sand-filled Tartan ashtrays on the dash of my van. I am clearing my throat. I use toothpicks for a prop. And remember ladies, all this takes place with a mustache on my face!
Oops! I just realized I still have one wife.

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