Thack You: An open letter to the U-Pick Eggs Guy

Larry Thack’s NCAA bracket will be on display at the Holliday-Dorsey-Fife-Taco House through March

It’s been a couple of weeks since I have seen you, U-Pick-Eggs Guy. You seem like a nice guy, but the way you stare at me as I pass is disconcerting. You make direct eye contact like a dog or newborn and offer no smile. It makes the whole idea of eating a fragile embryo seem even more creepy. I think we can work on this and as such I have some ideas for your business.
Maybe you could look more French; striped shirt, one of those little Frenchy hats, maybe an ascot. This would make it okay not to smile. Maybe sell something in addition to eggs, maybe cream or cheese. People need that stuff and it would taste better coming from a Frenchman.
Do you share that corner with a local honey guy? I feel like I’ve seen a honey guy there. Would you be upset if he started to advertise “U pick local honey”? Have you thought of borrowing his idea and selling “local eggs”?
Would it also be possible to stand just one step back from the curb?
I must confess U-Pick Eggs Guy that I would desperately like to pick some of my own locally grown eggs but fear that I might nervously drop one as I pick through them. You don’t appear to be a man who would tolerate such foolishness.
Please excuse me for now but a red throated Pipit has invaded my squirrel feeder and I must get the broom.

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