Pinewood name change: Take 2

Larry Thack’s diabetic socks keep going missing at the laundromat

I took a look in the mirror last night as I trimmed my eyebrows and was disgusted with myself. Last week I was in complete agreement with Pinewood manufacturing’s proposed town name change. I thought we were all due for some change and needed to get more “with the times.” How dare I? How absolutely dare I?!! As such I’m reversing my opinion on the name change.
With all my wisdom, the last thing I should do is be in complete agreement with anything! I should be guided by bitterness and revenge.
I remember the complaints of my Grandmother who grew up in Thackleyville, PA. We Thacks governed our town for nearly a century before the progressive colonialistas moved in. Everything in town was owned by a Thack – the general store, smithy, funeral home, nail salon. Of course we controlled the government where all petty crimes were solved with a good “talkin-to” and all high crimes were settled by means of immurement. It was a glorious time. Sadly friends, what was once Thackleyville is now Philadelphia. Have you ever heard of a more cumbersome collection of consonants than Philadelphia? It sounds made up!
Here in Georgia I recall calling to my children on a Sunday afternoon, “get your hikin’ poles we’re going to Chipley.” We loved it there- Wild Animal Safari, watching braver families go horseback riding, swimming at the Liberty Bell Pool. Then Callaway Gardens moved in and compelled a name change to “Pine Mountain.” Now, unsurprisingly there’s nothing to do there. The hiking trails feel like they’ve removed most of the nature, the tennis courts are too French, and you have to drive 8 mph everywhere. No more name changes! I’m still dealing with the IHOB thing.

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