If men wrote candy hearts

Lee St. John, a member of the National Society of Newspaper Columnists, is a #1 Amazon ranked humorous author. Look for her on Facebook, Twitter (@LeeStJohnauthor), and her blog at www.leestjohnauthor.com. Her new release, “SHE’S A KEEPER! Cockamamie Memoirs from a Hot Southern Mess” can be found on Amazon.com.

Necco’s candy hearts will not be sold in 2019 but according to Fortune Magazine, the company that took over the rights confirmed they’d return in 2020. Maybe they are looking for a few good men to expand the conversation starters.  For instance:

  • You’ll Do
  • You Can Die 1st
  • Adore Me
  • Rub My Swollen Feet
  • Let’s Talk Never
  • Shhh. Football Is On.
  • Wink, Wink
  • Lover Boy
  • U Sound Like UR Mother
  • XPLTIV DLETED

Or maybe they are searching for some creative women to answer back. Women always have a comeback, you know. 

  • Too Hot (Crank The A.C.)
  • R Those Your Toenails?
  • Not Tonight
  • R U Listening?
  • Pick Up UR Socks
  • U Snore
  • Oh, And Another Thing
  • Girl Power
  • BFF
  • You’ve Got The 2AM Feeding

Am I right? 

My hubby and I are opposites. And you know what they say: opposites attract. I married him because he knows math. He’s an accountant. I only went as high as Algebra. I never took Trig. I don’t think I even took a math course in college. And I needed someone to balance my checkbook for me. 

For our first Valentine’s Day, the divide was tremendous. Usually a new bride likes girlie objects of devotion – perfume, flowers, candy, showers of affection, etc. An accountant isn’t accustomed to thinking like that. “Let’s be practical,” he’d say. He also uses words like “disposable income”, “expenses” (whether it’s fixed, variable, accrued, or operation), “net income”, “spreadsheet”, “return on investment”, “1031 Tax Free Exchange”, and such in every day jargon. And I do mean every day.

After 35 years of marriage, the accountant has softened and I have become another person. Hubby tends to let go of his money a little easier. I tend to shop more for bargains and deals – or I might even DIY…on the cheap. We have crossed over the divide…in some ways.

Cut flowers for Valentine? Nah. I’ll take a living plant to place in my yard or house to enjoy over and over. Chocolates ? Nope. Just learned I am diabetic. Beautiful jewelry? I’d rather have my windows washed and let them sparkle. I have become the practical one when receiving presents. 

If you are married to an accountant you know what I am talking about: 

  • They might not be romantic gifts like candle-lit dinners, but you can expect gifts that should yield income. 
  • You don’t have to worry about the budgets, income, and expenses of your family. They will take care of it.
  • They are pretty good at forecasting.
  • They know the importance of money and won’t overspend and prevent you from wasting it. 
  • You will be lucky if your spouse let’s you use a credit card. I have one but we pay it off every month. Not going to give away hard-earned money in “interest”.
  • They like the term “cash inflows” or any kind of income generating term and they love to invest. 
  • Accountants know how compound interest works and have invested at a very early age. 
  • You don’t have to hire a person to do your taxes.
  • They are ethical and abide standards throughout their career. They don’t break rules in real life, too.
  • They are trustworthy. Without any fear you can tell your secrets. 

So, this is my love note to you, Hubby. Although I sometimes am really cranky about how tight you are with money, thank you for having taken care of me and our family the way you do. 

And I’ll just take some of those candy hearts this year. Oh, they don’t make them any longer? Brach’s continues to sell THE. EXACT. SAME. THING. 

xoxoxo

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